In my original Misery Loves Company blog, I described, in unusual terms, how I felt about kayaking solo (read it here). I followed up that blog with Misery Loves Company Part 2, when I paddled across Tampa Bay with my friend Michael Woodside….and described how challenges seem less daunting when you paddle with a partner…we knocked out that segment in under 4 hours…misery loves company! Just prior to the Tampa Bay crossing, I raised the stakes and decided to embark on another solo CT paddle. This time, instead of a day paddle, it was a 4-day trip covering more than 70 miles; Placida to South Naples. Planning for this trip was challenging, let alone executing it! Multiple cold-fronts were forecasted, changing the wind direction along my route. Thanks to support from my good friend Matty Piliere (we used to work at UPS together) I was able to thread the needle between weather systems. I couldn’t have done that without Matty’s help! My first night was spent at Picnic Island (see pinpoint on map), a beautiful and well-maintained island (by FPTA Trail Angel Lynette Brown) just off St. James City and Sanibel. So I’m on this beautiful island, alone. I’m an introvert. Any other time, I relish being alone…its how I recharge my battery after I’ve had extensive interaction with people. That night, I ate my chicken noodle soup infused with packaged chicken chunks by myself, sobbing. Something was missing. I’ve come to realize there a difference between loneliness and emptiness. Loneliness is temporary. Emptiness is completely different. Emptiness is what remains when loneliness recedes. Emptiness stays. You don’t feel emptiness, you know it. You know that something is missing, but you don’t know what, until that vacant space is filled. That night, whatever was missing, created such a huge void that it made my soul ache. I cursed at that void, then crawled into my tent and fell asleep to the song of wind in the Australian Pines. Over the next day few days, the emptiness softened, but was still there. The loneliness went away, probably because I had to focus on a different issue; a broken rudder cable (which luckily broke one mile from my next campsite near Estero Bay). I was also wrestling with my thoughts about two, no three, challenging portions of my trip over the next few days. The first two challenges involved going out Wiggins Pass, paddling 14 miles on the ‘outside’ (non-intracoastal) section, then reentering at Gordons Pass. I’m comfortable paddling in the Gulf, but don’t have a lot of experience going in/out passes, especially with a broken rudder cable. Wiggins and Gordon Pass also have a reputation for ditching kayakers in the surf. So, the days leading up to doing this segment made me anxious. The other challenge on the horizon was crossing Charlotte Harbor/Boca Grande Pass. A very large body of water, that if not timed correctly, the combination of strong tidal flow and winds will challenge any skilled kayaker. NOTE: Blue dots depict my actual route.
Since I didn’t have company to share my misery, I had to come up with something to prevent myself from getting all worked up, so I had a mantra that I kept repeating to myself: “Replace fear and anxiety with curiosity.” It worked. I successfully paddled in/out of Wiggins and Gordon Passes, as well as slayed the Charlotte Harbor/Boca Grande Pass. And by the end of the trip, loneliness was replaced with exhilaration and a sense of success. And the emptiness, that void, remained. Fast forward to the Everglades…77 miles, 5 days/4 nights; it’s about as primitive as you can get, including no cell phone coverage. With camping passes in hand, three of us set out on this wilderness adventure. Pristine beach camping, spotted rays jumping, and one very large fish that none of us could figure out what it was. Then there was also the no-see’ums, lots of them! One location was so bad, we had to retire to our tents early, skipping dinner and breakfast. And when you spend 5 days with people in the wilderness, you really get to know each other. Misery loves company…we laughed our way from Everglades City into Flamingo, inhaling a few no-see’ums along the way. I will dedicate a separate blog post to tell you about that adventure! So today, I sit at my PC typing this blog, all packed for my next 93-miler; Melbourne to Jupiter, 5 days, 4 nights primitive camping, solo. At first, I’m sure like my last trip, I will be lonely, but it too will fade as I rack up the miles on the Intracoastal Waterway. And the emptiness? That void in my soul? I will have to figure out how to fill it. In the mean time, a virtual hug to everyone! Be safe & Luv the Wave!
3 Comments
Aurelio
2/27/2021 01:52:44 pm
Great series, there are times that I also like to paddle solo so I can take my time and take all of nature has to give. Sometimes when a paddle with a group of people they are in a hurry to get there, I always say slow down and enjoy. I've been working in aviation for 33 years now and all I do is hurry hurry.
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Frank Oley
2/27/2021 05:59:25 pm
I relate each of your adventures to hikes I have done. They are similar in many regards. I too go out there to recharge my batteries, and feed my soul. I lose myself in nature, and sometimes question the wisdom of what I do. I have my camera to snap me back to why I am there, and what I must do. Just as you have your kayak, the weather, and the water to contend with. I may never find what I'm looking for out there but I'll keep on looking. Your blogpost are inspiring Dorsey, you have a knack for putting me right in the middle of your adventures, I can't wait for the next one.
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Bob Everson
3/8/2021 03:34:56 pm
You are truly an inspiration! I hope to see you again sometime in the future and you can continue to share your adventures. We too are finally beginning to venture out beyond Illinois. Going to Tennessee soon and the venture out west. So much to see and experience. Keep those adventures coming!
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AuthorDorsey DeMaster embraced kayaking after retiring from 38 years in aviation. She lives near Crystal River, Florida. Archives
August 2021
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